At last night’s drunken stupor, I thought I’d break the rules and say what was forbidden; or at least something we pushed to the very back of our minds like traumatic memories.
I was debating for a while whether I should or shouldn’t. It’s been years, after all.
I said it. Better that I get it out.
It was 2am. I cut the lights and went to bed. It was time to let go.
I wanted it to happen. Sure I’d hurt a few, but the truth does that. And I just can’t keep going on like this. I said what I needed to say and that’s enough I suppose. Funny how I easily get over things when they end badly. That’s partly the reason I wanted to look like I bungled it again. Maybe I’d fool myself a little. Maybe fate will be merciful further down the road. Of course, I’m hoping once again.
“Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.”
Ah… the viscious cycle.
So I thought I’d revel in celibacy for a while. I’ve got the cars… I’ll be a career person… Got a boat load of heavy rock to help me through it…
“It wouldn’t work out anyway…”
“I’m happier this way…”
Who am I kidding?
It’s not for me this time.
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