Finding When Not Looking

Irony. Yes, that’s what it’s called — “incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result.” So when I say “I’ve got nothing to leave behind,” it turns out that I do, indeed, have a lot to leave behind.

The past entry revealed just how much I had to leave behind, unfinished projects and all, and a couple of new additions to be mindful of. And in the long absence now marked in the journal as a whole month of no entries, I’ve discovered even more.

I was on vacation recently, and was enjoying it too, when I got a call from a PR company inviting me to another one of their events. Apparently, they haven’t heard that I’ve “gone to the States.” “Wow, they still want you,” my friend remarked. I retorted with a bit of cynicism, though in hindsight, he might be right. It really does take an outsider to see things more clearly.

Perhaps the brightest and most prominently waving banner is a recent offer from an editor of a rival newspaper (call me a mercenary writer if you wish). He talked about the misconceptions about journalism, media, and writing in general. He also had a rare adherence to precision over pride that I've always heard of yet never encountered in the industry until now. Reminds me of my feistier ivory tower days. Say it’s a sheltered publication and I just might be enticed even more.

It offered the kind of mentoring that I miss back at the magazine, coupled with a career path I thought I didn’t want to take. Yes, it’s hard, it’s hectic, it needs yet more sacrifice and perhaps it’s the masochist in me that’s drawn to it. Or perhaps I just give too little credit to my craft.

He had this enigmatic quality to him, that editor, whether he was talking about the Kapampangan Mafia (don’t bother, it’s an inside joke), the current senatorial line-up or some obscure topic for a 3 hour lecture abroad. Maybe it was his enthusiasm for, of all things, my potential future in this path, should I choose it. Maybe it’s because he ignited a spark that first drew me to journalism, if my first three years can be called that, in the first place.

Yes, news is a stoic business, but that’s not to say there isn’t a hint of romanticism hidden in there somewhere. It started out as a lofty dream, a half-meant joke, a bit ambitious from some points of view, but laced with the best of intentions, I assure you. Maybe it’s something all my mentors wanted to see happen, something that was always in the back of my mind, yet hardly acknowledged.

I won’t say it’s a ‘coming home’ of sorts, lest I be forced to put my foot in my mouth in the near future. I’ll look into other options, of course, but you all know I’m already hesitating to leave this field.

A career investment — yes, that’s what I’ll call it — a gamble on what many are already saying is the most llamado option.

It’s hardly a sidetrack. Those who are in the business would, in fact, call it the next logical step — something that came sooner than expected.

Ask, (Well, not on purpose, in my case), and ye shall receive.

It's occasions like these when you can’t help but believe.