No More Fall Backs

It’s been a while since I’ve decided to eliminate fall back plans. Somehow, I’ve always worked better with pressure, with the need to succeed, simply because there’s nowhere else to go but either down or up.

For a while, I’ve been nervous. Fall back plans breed complacency, after all, which is just the kind of lax attitude I wanted to eliminate. It’s always inhibited me from breaking out of my shell. “I’ve always got this to rely on if all else fails,” I’d often think to myself. And perhaps it’s that lack of anything to rely on that pushes one to break out and fight — to search for a new dependence.

We are creatures of habit after all. Vices never go away. They simply jump from one to another, only varying in collateral damage or social approval, just as smoking is easily replaced by another oral fixation.

And in some oblique way, it’s managed to work for me.

Last night was a breakthrough of sorts. I’ve shied away from the familiar and decided to venture into unfamiliar territory. Perhaps it was the beer that helped me made progress, but progress nonetheless. And even if, by many others’ opinion, I didn’t seem to get anything out of it, it still felt like a victory. Action, after all, is better than inaction.

And in making those bold new steps, I’ve discovered there’s not much to fear, after all. And perhaps in the future, I will gain more ground for myself. The important part, at least, was making the first step. Knowing that stable ground lies underneath makes it easier to trudge that path again.