Sophomoric Theorems and Postulates

I used to use a lot of terms or codes before. Call it sophomoric, but I’ve always been paranoid of other people listening in on my conversations with friends. We invented these words that could be used in conversations, just so we wouldn’t be caught ‘checkin’ some people out. They all could’ve been said more easily in plain English, but the pronunciation and usage of the terms just made us sound so much more intellectual, so theoretical, it was hard to resist.

So when one them came up in a conversation last night, it caught me by surprise. I stopped using it, for one, because I’ve been disenchanted for a while, realizing that all the hype I attached to it was nothing more than just hype. It’s funny hearing other people use it now to put words into situations that used to be indescribably, or just frustratingly mystifying.

The difference is, you hear them say it now with such enchantment and faith, the kind I used to have when I used to say it myself. I wished for a moment that I could return to that state. Everything that’s happened since I’ve last spoken it is holding me back though. How do you start to believe, when everything you’ve believed in has failed you. Or at least doesn’t feel like manifesting itself yet. That it is capricious should be an adequate indictment against it.

In a way, I’m glad there’s still some faith out there. I just wish it were that simple for me to call on it again. Maybe my secularism is just temporary. Maybe I’m finally growing up. I figure I ought to make things happen instead of rely on higher powers.

Now I hesitate to say what I used to blurt out so bluntly. It’s funny how one simple word can be so difficult. It’s funny how a couple of months down from the hill can change everything.